Sex fouk singel

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Being on heat and in charge or a remote control is a deadly combination.

Some of you will relate to this, some of you might be making that pity face usually reserved for single women at weddings and some of you may be too busy actually having sex to even read this, but regardless I feel that I’m among friends here (albeit really judge-y imaginary friends, like the ones I have on Twitter) and I’m certain I’m not alone in my aloneness.

I must have had a sex life at some point because in 2006, a little person emerged from my vagina and shouted directly into my face until I fed her but I’m still not convinced.

The annoying thing is that the longer you go without sex, the more of an issue it becomes until one day you find yourself writing about it on a website trying to convince yourself your doing it for cathartic reasons, rather than just pure frustration.

I’ve watched this happen in diners, in classrooms, in small booths at dirty bars like some kind of twisted icebreaker. We call it a whisper network, this information that gets passed from woman to woman like a bong of misery. Too many women have said the same name aloud as they cried or shook until it became a prediction.

Comfort eating is a bastard and I’ll find myself imagining new and exciting dishes to shove into my already well fed face.I’ll bore everyone with tales of that whole pound I lost last week by drinking meat and how my exercise bike has hurt my front bottom but I still managed to ride 2 whole miles like a champ.When I’m not eating, dieting or pedalling on the spot, I’m writing which helps me take my mind off the fact that I’m not spooning someone in a filthy way.Tell no one, and your assaulter continues his life scot-free.Tell the police, and face an invasive physical exam followed by even more invasive questions, and maybe no one believes you.

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