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In a talk before boomers (you can watch it below), Adshade says older women really aren’t disadvantaged on the dating market.The persistent belief is that women are looking for long-term committed relationship and men are looking for short-term sexual relationships.That isn’t true for my three girlfriends, but it’s true for me.She believes — and I agree — that more people need to talk openly about this because all older women hear (and thus believe) is that older men are them from the 50-something dating pool ASAP; I’m not interested in men like that so move along, men, and good luck! As a newly single woman after an eight-plus year relationship, I am curious about what to expect this time, now that I’m 50-something instead of 40-something.
Yet I've been leading a secret double life since I turned 50. This is what men have been doing since the start of time, and what men are made to do. I care for my wife and I don't want to hurt her, which is one of the reasons why I've kept it secret for so long.
Sex feels good for a reason, and that reason isn't solely so that we'll procreate within the bounds of a marriage. All that fear of sex as something strange and dirty was gone.
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I remember my first session clearly -- I was totally honest with my therapist, a kind man I still see who has always been supportive. That made it easier, as do the regular weekly therapy sessions I still have with him. Not changing was part of the deal -- and I was changing. I'd never liked my body and had always thought my penis was too small (it's normal, but guys always think that), and mostly I just felt lost and inept.
Chat rooms gave me a place to fantasize with other men. Say what you will about our friend Craig -- I will be forever grateful because he gave me a place to say what I wanted and needed, and get to know a man online before meeting in person. Men think they'll just know how to do it -- and maybe some guys do, but I didn't. Once I was absolutely clear about that, I put a very specific ad on Craigslist and met another man looking for the same thing.